


Lost and Found

by hidekaneheadcanons



Series: A Hauntingly Hidekane Halloween [4]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Ghoul Hunter AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sacrifices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 18:07:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidekaneheadcanons/pseuds/hidekaneheadcanons
Summary: A ghoul roams the countryside outside of Hide’s village. Hide, the latest of the village sacrifices, thinks his life is over. Until an unknown man saves him from his fate. Hide decides to follow the mysterious man, but he isn't all that he seems.





	1. Chapter 1

It was Hide’s turn to die.

Two days ago, at the monthly meeting, Hide’s name was pulled from the sacrificial bowl. Everyone had their name added when they turned 18. After a year - after 12 months, Hide’s name was drawn and he was sentenced to death. 

It was a deal made with the ghoul that resided outside their previously peaceful mountain town. One human, every month, or they would kill everyone. The deal was made ten years earlier, when Hide was nine. He lost both his parents to the initial attack on the town. They had died before the mayor made the deal with the ghoul - offering up the people as a sustainable food source for the years to come.

Even at nine, having just lost his only family, Hide would have rather gone down fighting. He didn’t have a choice now, not with his wrists bound to the wooden pole just outside the village.

He kicked at the soldier tying him down, and got some spit in his eye for the trouble. Dried blood stained the soil red. Not even rain could wash away the violence soaked there. It left Hide with no disillusions. He would be torn apart, all while everyone else went about their life, thankful that for that month, it wasn’t them.

The soldiers retreated, eying the forest around them. Then Hide was alone, the sunset warming the skin of his bare chest, even though the cold of the coming night made him shiver. He stared blankly at the horizon. Was there really any point in wondering how he would die if he had no control over it?

There was a rustle to Hide’s right, making his head whip around. There was a beautiful woman with purple hair in a white dress. Her eyes were red and black, making him flinch, even though she gazed at him innocently.

“I got a good one this month.” She walked up to him slowly, then ran her fingers over his bare chest. “A little muscle, but not too much, and just enough fat to make the meat tender.” She drew her nails down his skin, light at first, then harder. Hide bit down on a hiss as she drew blood. She brought her fingertips to her lips and sucked at them. Little drops of blood fell onto her white dress. Hide wondered if it would be covered in his blood by the time the night was over.

She leaned over him, making sure he could see her lick her lips. He felt the blood run down his chest and soak into his pants. Her teeth gleamed in the night. She opened her mouth wide and Hide squeezed his eyes shut. Her teeth touched his shoulder and slowly, slowly she began to bite down.

A branch snapped in the forest. Her hair whipped Hide in the face as she turned.

“What are you -“

“Hello, Rize.”

Blood splattered across Hide’s face. He opened his eyes in shock. It was too dark to tell what was really going on. He could see rapid movement, and hear the sounds of a fight. Then there was a dull thump, and silence. A figure stepped towards Hide, and he couldn’t help but cringe back.

“It’s okay,” a kind voice said. “You’re safe now.” Gentle hands worked on the rope binding his wrists. Hide collapsed as soon as they were undone, but luckily strong arms caught him and lowered him slowly to the ground.

Hide took shaky breaths, gripping at the bloody grass under his hands. A hand landed on his shoulder and he shuddered, shifting away from the touch. He glanced up to see who saved him.

A man with white hair and steely grey eyes knelt over him. He had blood speckled all over his face and dark clothes. A sword was sheathed on his left hip. Behind him, Hide could see the ghoul, Rize, face-down on the ground. Her purple hair was fanned around her, the white dress torn and soaked in her own blood. There were these... things... sticking out of her back. Hide remembered the last time he saw them, his stomach rolling. They were curled around her back almost protectively, still twitching and writhing even though she was no longer moving.

Hide gagged and promptly emptied his stomach on the ground in front of him. He rolled away from the vomit, groaning. Once he caught his breath, the man spoke.

“You can head back home. She’s dead, and she won’t be getting a sacrifice ever again. You’re safe now.”

Hide wanted to laugh in his face. How would the town ever function how the mayor wanted to when there wasn’t the threat of imminent death looming over everyone’s head every month? Hide wasn’t a fool, and nor were the people in town. The names drawn out of the bowl weren’t by chance. They never were. It was whoever the mayor and high-ranking officials wanted to get rid of - or who they thought was expendable. Without the threat of the ghoul killing them, they would have to find a new way to keep the populous in line. Hide didn’t want to stick around to find out what that would be.

The man who saved him headed back to the forest, leaving Hide alone in the clearing. Hide took a few more minutes, catching his breath and thinking out what to do next.

Then, he pushed himself to his feet. His home was relatively close to the edge of town, allowing quick access to the forest. Hide was a hunter by trade, so he spent most of his time in the forest, laying down snares and hunting with his bow and arrow.

Hide grabbed some of his warmer clothes, taking a couple minutes to clean and bandage the wounds on his chest. After he dressed, he grabbed his favourite knives, his best bow, and a sack. He filled the sack with all the coins he had, dried meat and a pot for boiling some water, as well as some medical supplies.

After that, he returned to the sacrificial area. He pointedly tried to ignore Rize’s dead body, but couldn’t. She looked a little more torn up than she was before, and the weird things coming out of her back were gone, leaving blood in their place. Hide shook his head and instead searched for his saviour’s footprints. He found some at the edge of the woods. Then slowly and steadily he followed them. He wasn’t in the best of shape, and the sack’s thread pulled at his wound with every step, making him hiss. Eventually he switched it to hang on one shoulder, despite how sore that would make his back in the morning.

The man made no attempt to cover his tracks, likely thinking no one would follow him. They went westward for a couple kilometres, then angled to the north. There were a couple times Hide lost the tracks and had to head back, but he always found them again.

It was just before sunrise when Hide finally reached where the man set up for the night. There was a little run-down hut. It wasn’t much except for a roof and some walls for shelter during the night, blocking the cold bite of the wind. 

Hide ambled up to the door, fist hovering over the wood, as if to knock on it. For the first time, Hide wondered what the fuck he was doing. Sure, he knew he had to leave town. But why follow after the mysterious man? Was it because Hide felt he owed him, or was he simply curious? Either way, he felt drawn to him, and he knew he would regret it if he let the man go without talking to him first. 

So Hide sat himself by the door. He didn’t want to disturb him. He probably needed a good night’s rest after fighting a ghoul. Hide would speak to him when he woke up. Hide himself was intent to stay awake, but his eyelids started to flutter, and soon enough exhaustion took him.

~<3<3<3~

Hide awoke far more comfortable than when he went to sleep. He was laying on a bamboo mattress, a warm blanket draped over him. He was also inside the hut, sunlight filtering through the gaps in the walls. Hide blinked the sleep out of his eyes and shifted, wincing when he felt how stiff his body was. His chest burned where Rize clawed at his skint, making him wince. 

“Why did you follow me?” The man was sitting against the wall opposite to Hide, sword held loosely in his lap. “You could have headed back home.” 

Hide snorted. “Yeah, as if I’d head back to the place that tied me to a pole out in the forest for some ghoul to feed on.” Hide sat up, groaning. “Not a fucking chance.” 

“But _why_ follow _me_?” The man thumbed the hilt of his sword, eyes narrowing. 

Hide rubbed his neck, working out a kink. “I’m not really sure. To thank you, I guess? I didn’t really get to when you saved me.” Hide glanced down at the bed he was laying in. “And thanks for this too.” 

The man could have left him outside, but he didn’t. He made sure Hide was comfortable and got enough rest. And he waited for him to wake up too.

The man nodded his head, accepting his thanks. 

“I’m Hide by the way. And I – uh – didn’t really have a plan beyond thanking you.” He laughed nervously at the man’s incredulous expression. “But, I really, really don’t want to head back to town.”

The man sighed and pinched his nose between his fingers. “I suppose you could join me until we reach the next town. It should only be a couple days travel.” 

“Really?” Hide couldn’t help but grin. 

He saw the man smile – it was just a twitch of the lips – but, still. It was a smile.

Hide slowly got on his feet and stretched, careful not to disturb the wound on his chest. “You got a name?” 

The man flushed a little. “Right. I’m Kaneki Ken.”

“Kaneki, huh?” Hide itched to ask Kaneki more about himself, and how he killed Rize. However, he didn’t want to ask too many questions, worried Kaneki wouldn’t like that he was asking. So, for now, he kept them to himself. “When do we leave?”

“I was going to leave early this morning, but…” Kaneki shook his head. “We can wait another day. You should rest some more. You didn’t get that wound checked out by a doctor, did you?”

“Nah,” Hide waved a hand. “I’ve gotten injured plenty while hunting. So, don’t worry, I know how to patch myself up.” 

Kaneki raised an eyebrow. “Oh really?” 

“This one time when I was fifteen…” Hide rolled up the pant on his left leg. “I got myself caught in one of my snares. It cut my leg up pretty good. That was the first time I learned how to stitch anything.” Hide rolled up his sleeve. “And this was from when I was twelve. I burned myself trying to cook this boar I shot. I was really hungry, so it didn’t matter that much at the time, but it hurt for a while after that. This nice lady in town gave me some ointment for it when she saw me selling some of the leftover meat in town square.” 

“You’ve fended for yourself for a while then.” Kaneki said.

“Yeah.” Hide’s hand dropped to his waist; over the one scar he really didn’t like to talk about. “I guess I have.” He was nine years old, at home. His dad came running inside, a wild look in his eyes. He rushed Hide to get dressed, not explaining what was wrong, only that they were leaving. They made it out of the house only to be thrown to the side painfully. Hide felt something cut into his side, but was too shocked to think much of it. 

Something warm and muscly wriggled against Hide’s side, then pulled back. Whatever it was only grazed Hide, but his father hadn’t been quite as lucky. The left side of his abdomen was torn through. He coughed, splattering Hide’s face with blood. “Play dead,” was the last thing Hide ever heard him say.

Hide didn’t know how long he laid there, halfway under his father’s dead body. At some point someone came to clean up the bodies, after the deal with the ghoul had been made, and found Hide there. 

Kaneki’s warm hand fell on Hide’s shoulder, startling him out of his thoughts. “I’ve fended for myself for quite a while now too.” 

“Thank you, again.” Hide swallowed thickly, tears leaking from his eyes. Rize was dead. She wasn’t going to hurt anyone ever again, take someone’s loved ones ever again, or orphan another child ever again. “For killing her.” 

“You don’t have to thank me for that.” Kaneki put some pressure on Hide’s shoulder and steered him back towards the bed. “I’d do it again any day.” His voice was quiet, and a little sad. 

He avoided Hide’s gaze when he tried to look at him. 

“You should lay back down. Get some more sleep, or at least try to.”

Hide opened his mouth to argue, but Kaneki fixed him with a firm look.

“That isn’t a suggestion, Hide.” 

Hide huffed in response, but laid down. Kaneki pulled the blanket back over him, then sat across the room from him again. Hide closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but he couldn’t while he felt Kaneki’s eyes on him, or while he was still thinking about Rize, and the way she looked at him like he was a hunk of meat. 

He felt so helpless tied to that pole, just as helpless as he felt when his father was killed. It was something he hadn’t felt for a long time, even though it haunted him in his nightmares.

But Kaneki came, and Kaneki _wasn’t_ helpless. He had some way to fight. Hide wanted to know how. So that he wouldn’t ever have to feel so helpless again. So that he could help people the way that Kaneki helped him. 

Hide was a hunter already, but he got the feeling that Kaneki was also one, although a different type. He wondered for how long he had been hunting ghouls, how long he had been killing them. Was it something he was willing to teach others to do?

“I can hear you thinking.” 

“Believe me, I’m trying to stop.” Hide drew his knees in close. He was getting ahead of himself. And he couldn’t be sure with anything about Kaneki until he asked him about it. For all he knew, he actually would just go to the next town, and make a life for himself there. He could be a hunter, just like he always had been. But that didn’t seem like it was enough for him. Hell, he didn’t know if it ever had been. 

Kaneki spoke hesitantly. “What are you thinking about?”

Hide pursed his lips and cracked an eye open, peering cautiously at Kaneki. “I don’t want to ask you something you’re not comfortable with.”

Kaneki stiffened, but then slowly relaxed. “Go ahead.” His eyes narrowed, and Hide swallowed, beginning to feel a little nervous. 

“How did you know about Rize? Why did you kill her?”

“I heard about her from a merchant. They’re good sources of information, and generally know which areas to avoid. I killed her because she killed others.”

“So, you do hunt them then? Ghouls, I mean.”

Kaneki nodded. 

“How?” Hide heard that nothing could harm them – not swords and not arrows. 

Kaneki rubbed the hilt of his sword. “This is specially made for just that.”

“There’s more of you then?”

“Here and there, I suppose. I’ve known a few, but most of them have passed in the last few years. Despite having these weapons, they were still human. They don’t heal like ghouls do. One mistake and they’re done for.” Kaneki fixed Hide with an even look, no doubt noticing his eagerness. “That’s not a road you want to go down, Hide.”

“But what if it is?” 

Kaneki’s expression pinched. “I didn’t save your life just so you could throw it away.”

“But what if I could save another life? Hell, maybe even just two. Wouldn’t that be worth it?”

“Go to sleep,” Kaneki spoke quietly, but his voice was filled with enough pain to make Hide stop in his tracks. “We’ll leave for the next town in the morning.” Kaneki stood, opened the hut door, and strode outside. He closed the door softly behind him, but he might as well have slammed it.

~<3<3<3~

When Hide fell asleep, he didn’t wake up until Kaneki shook him by the shoulder. Hide grumbled a bit, confused about where he was, and who was touching him. But as he woke, things became a little less foggy – just enough for Hide to get his things together and get ready to go. 

Kaneki didn’t talk to him, simply rolling up the blanket and mattress, and stashing them in the corner. When he stepped out of the hut and into the forest, the only thing Hide could do was follow him. Kaneki was going slow enough that Hide didn’t have any trouble following, and he even held out his hand to help Hide if they went over some rough terrain. Hide didn’t need the help, but he took it anyway. 

A couple hours passed and they paused by a stream for a break. Kaneki set up a small fire, while Hide pulled out his pot to scoop up some water and boil it. He retrieved some of the dried meat out of his bag for a late breakfast. He offered some to Kaneki, but he waved him off. Shrugging, Hide finished his before the water was even done boiling. 

There was an awkward silence as they waited for the water to cool enough to drink. Hide fiddled with the straps of his sack. Kaneki sat with his eyes closed, hands hovering over the heat of the fire.

“I’m sorry,” Hide finally said, unable to bear the silence. “About yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Kaneki shook his head. “You don’t have to be sorry. I told you that you could ask your questions.” 

“Still.” Hide scuffed at the ground with his heel.

“It’s just that…” Kaneki sighed, staring off into the forest. “I’ve known a lot of people that have lost their lives, chasing after the same thing you want to. I can’t… _stop_ you from doing so. But I want to dissuaded you.”

“But what about you?” Hide asked. “How can you tell me not to, while you do the same?” 

“It’s different for me.” Kaneki’s teeth clenched. 

“How so?”

“I can’t tell you. It just is.” Kaneki groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. “Okay? Please trust me on that.” 

Hide hesitated. “Okay.” He wouldn’t give up so easily, but it was enough for now. “How long until we get to the next town?” 

“We should get there just before nightfall if we keep traveling the pace we have been.” Kaneki pulled out a cup and poured half the water in it. He gave it to Hide, then drank right from the pot itself. 

The day went far too quickly, Hide tried to engage Kaneki in conversation multiple times, but he only got the bare basics out of him. He was around the same age as Hide, was born in a town down by a river, and liked to read. Kaneki didn’t seem too willing to share, but his lips twitched with amusement when Hide asked particularly inane questions. His favourite colour was brown, he preferred sunrise to sunset, and he liked spring more than any other season. 

Hide rattled on a little about himself, about how he would collect every little lost trinket he would find, in case he ever encountered someone looking for it. How he would sometimes get up early just to watch the sunrise, since he liked it just like Kaneki did. He also spent a good amount of time ranting about how much snow made it easier to track animals, but also how much he hated winter’s icy cold. 

It was only when they almost reached town that Kaneki held up a hand and asked him to be quiet. “There’s a ghoul in this area. For now, we don’t want to draw its attention. Based on the information I received, it mostly feeds on travellers, coming or going from town. Let’s try to sneak in unnoticed.” 

Hide shut his mouth and fidgeted nervously. He sidled up a little closer to Kaneki, watching the forest around them. He was almost ashamed to admit he was afraid. Sure, he wanted to learn how to be able to fight, and he wanted to protect people, but he didn’t know how to. At best, he wouldn’t get in Kaneki’s way if something happened. 

Kaneki paused, making Hide almost run into him. Kaneki was looking at him with a frown. Hide swallowed, trying to keep his fingers from trembling. Unfortunately, they didn’t escape his notice. Kaneki offered Hide a hand, which Hide took in confusion. He was offered a comforting squeeze as Kaneki guided them the rest of the way to town. Once they got through the forest, there was a shallow river and some farmland. 

They made it there without incident. Hide wasn’t sure where to begin once he got there. He made a life for himself at the old town after many grueling and difficult years. He lived outside for most of the time, only getting a place to sleep a couple years earlier. He brought all the money he saved with him, but even that wasn’t enough to get much. 

“How would I even start over?” Hide murmured quietly to himself.

“I helped this town a couple years ago, so I know some of the people. They’re good people.” Kaneki smiled. “There’s a couple here who could probably give you a roof over your head. I’ll introduce you to Akira tonight, and Amon tomorrow.”

Hide didn’t know how to thank him, not after all he did for him. Tears welled in his eyes. He didn’t wipe them away. Kaneki grunted in surprise as Hide threw himself at him, wrapping his arms tightly around him. After a couple seconds, Kaneki hugged him back, awkwardly rubbing a circle on Hide’s shoulder. Hide sniffled in response. 

“Akira owns an inn nearby, and will let us stay the night when she knows what we’re here for. Come on. Let’s get some sleep.” 

The inn was small, and run by an even smaller woman with a short blonde hair. She regarded Kaneki with a critical eye, and waved him in. “I only got one room open tonight, so you get what you get.” 

“Thanks, Akira.” 

“Don’t thank me. Just make it safe for my husband to head out into the forest again.” 

Kaneki nodded to her. She handed Kaneki a key and they went off to their room, Hide pausing when he only saw one bed.

“I can take the floor?” He said uncertainly.

Kaneki snorted. “Go to sleep, Hide. Don’t take up too much room.” 

Hide flushed, but did as he said. He put his things aside and crawled under the covers. The promise of warmth was inviting, and he was starting to drift off before Kaneki was even in bed. 

“Akira and her husband, Amon, are kind. They’ll understand your situation.” Hide roused at the sound of Kaneki’s voice. “Akira would rent you a room so long as you pull your weight when it comes to hunting. Amon’s good, but he could use a partner, especially one that’s good at tracking.”

Kaneki slid into bed behind Hide, their backs facing. Hide could feel the heat radiating off him. Hide did the opposite of what he wanted to do and gave Kaneki more room. 

“You’ll do fine here.” Kaneki’s voice had a finality that Hide didn’t like, but with his exhaustion from the long trek, he didn’t get to think too much of it. 


	2. Chapter 2

It was dark, and Kaneki was gone. Hide could feel the spot beside him was cold. He left some time ago, and Hide had only just noticed. It hurt - that he would go without even saying goodbye. Sure, they hadn’t known each other for long, but he saved Hide’s life. They travelled together. Got to know each other. Shared a bed. That had to mean something to him, didn’t it?

Hide sat up, kicking the covers off him in frustration. 

Or maybe it meant nothing to him. After all, he probably saved people all the time. Why would Hide be any different than anyone else? He was just a tag-along. Kaneki set him up well in this town - he already did so much for Hide. Hide wasn’t deserved a goodbye. 

But still, it hurt.

There were a couple shouts from outside, then hushed, giggles whispers. Hide groaned as he stood, body still sore from trekking through the woods for so long. He crept out of his room to not wake any of the other inn-dwellers, then went to investigate what was going on outside. 

A few kids were surrounding another, who was crying. They were giggling with delighted expressions, glancing back and forth between each other. None of them could have been older than twelve. The gravel cracked under Hide’s foot as he headed in their direction. When they saw him, they scattered, leaving the crying one alone.

Hide approached him and knelt down. “What’s wrong?” He wondered if he should walk the kid home.

The kid stuttered out his story, but Hide managed to get the gist of it. “My friend and I were playing in the forest. I lost them. I don’t know where they are now.” The kid cried some more.

Hide felt his stomach sink. The ghoul lived in the forest. Didn’t the kids know that? They probably did. No one would leave them without warning to not play in the forest. But they did anyway, and now, who knew what happened to them?

“I’ll look for your friend.” Hide stood. If there was one thing he was good at, it was tracking. If the kid was still out there, he would find him. “Show me where you were playing.”

The kid took him by the hand and pulled him along. He brought him out past some farmers’ fields, where the trees towered above them, making a clear line of where the forest began. Hide saw two sizes of footprints. He glanced down at the kid with him. The one he was looking for was the one with the smaller feet then.

“You can go home now.” Hide told him. “You did well. Let me take care of it now, alright?”

The kid nodded and ran away. 

Hide wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to handle it - not if he ran into the ghoul - and not without Kaneki. But he couldn’t stand around and do nothing, not while there was a kid in danger. So he searched the area, found where the smaller tracks diverged, and followed them. They led deeper into the forest, and Hide could see they gradually picked up in pace. The kid probably grew more and more scared as they realized they were lost. 

In the distance, there was a clang. Hide initially thought he imagined it, but then he heard it again, and then again. He picked up his pace, keeping his eyes on the tracks, but knew they probably led to where he was hearing the noises. 

There was a grunt, and more clangs. Hide heard more sounds of a fight, scuffling and hisses of pain. He slowed so he could get an idea of what was happening. There was a flash of white in the darkness, Hide realized it was Kaneki’s hair. He was bloody, sword in hand as he rushed towards the ghoul. The ghoul had some sort of sharp, jagged appendage coming out of their lower back. They were grinning, their lips bloodied.

There was a kid, laying on the ground in the fetal position, half-hidden by a boulder. Hide thought the worst, until he saw her arms trembling. Hide kept his eyes on the fight, and slowly crept towards the kid on his hands and knees, trying not to be spotted. The kid had her head buried against her knees, arms tightly clasped around them. Hide touched her shoulder with one hand, then raised a finger to his lips when her gaze darted up.

Maybe Hide couldn’t help Kaneki, but at the very least, he could get this child to safety. He lifted the kid, and let her hide her face against his chest. It was all going very well, until Hide heard a wet, tearing noise. Kaneki choked and coughed. Hide spun just in time to see Kaneki’s sword falling to the ground, that horrible muscly appendage speared all the way through his abdomen. 

Hide didn’t know if he made a noise, but the ghoul’s head whipped around to face him, their mouth twisted into a cruel grin. They only took a single step towards Hide before their stomach was erupting, multiple muscly tentacles bursting outwards like a flower. Kaneki rose behind them, teeth bared, and eyes - oh god, his eyes.

Hide couldn’t help the shiver that ran down his spine. Now he knew why Kaneki said it was different for him, and why he wouldn’t train Hide.

Because he wasn’t human.

He buried his teeth into the ghoul’s shoulder. Hide could hear the flesh tear from where he was standing. Hide swallowed his rising nausea and turned his back on the scene. Nothing had changed. He still had to get the kid away, in case the ghoul wasn’t going to stay down. Kaneki certainly didn’t.

At a dead sprint, Hide got to the edge of the forest within a few minutes. “Do you live near here?”

The kid stared up at him with wide, watery eyes, but nodded.

“Can you point out where you live to me?”

The girl pointed to a small, blue-tinted house nestled close to the inn. 

Hide nodded. “Good.” He carried her the rest of the way. After a hurried knock on the front door, and after handing the kid off to her mother, he spun and headed back into the forest. His heart pounded in his chest and his legs ached. Dark spots intruded on his vision, but he didn’t stop. Not until he was back to the scene of the fight, where Kaneki was knelt over the ghoul, tearing into their flesh. Hide stopped close by, gasping. 

He was scared. He was so scared, but he knew Kaneki wouldn’t hurt him. So despite the horrifying scene in front of him, he stayed. He sat on the edge of the boulder the child was hiding behind, watching the hole in Kaneki’s abdomen gradually close as he ate. Hide didn’t turn away, and he didn’t cover his ears. He stayed wholly present, despite how sick it made him feel.

Eventually Kaneki rocked back on his heels. A hand came up to cover his mouth, before rising to run through his white hair. Blood smeared in it, sticking it to his head. He glanced up, his gaze locking with Hide’s.

Kaneki eyes widened with horror and he fell back, barely managing to catch himself with his hands. Hide approached him slowly, then knelt beside him. Kaneki’s breath came out in quick gasps, his hands trembling as he covered his face. Hide reached towards Kaneki’s bloodied side, placing his palm flat against his newly healed skin. Kaneki jumped in response, his breath hitching. 

“Does it hurt?” Hide put his other hand on Kaneki’s shoulder when he didn’t respond. “Are you okay?”

Still no response. Hide hooked an arm under Kaneki’s, helping him get to his feet. He paused to pick up Kaneki’s fallen sword and sheath before he carefully got Kaneki to walk forwards. Kaneki leaned on him heavily, but Hide was able to guide him back towards town. It was slow going, with Kaneki’s feet dragging as he stared at the ground numbly. They stopped just outside town, by a creak that ran beside it. Hide set Kaneki down, then stripped. He took off his undershirt, then dressed again. The water was cool, but not too cold. He dipped his shirt into the water, then set to work cleaning the blood off of Kaneki. He started with his hair and face. Kaneki sat there silently and let Hide do as he pleased. Next came his hands. No matter how much he scrubbed, HIde couldn’t get the blood out from under his fingernails.

Lastly, he got Kaneki to peel off his blood-soaked outer layer of clothing. Hide gave him his own jacket to cover the place Kaneki was impaled. Deciding they looked decent enough, Hide pulled Kaneki up and headed the rest of the way into town. Once they were in their room at the inn, Hide relaxed a little. They wouldn’t have to worry about anyone seeing Kaneki covered in blood and asking too many questions – especially with Kaneki the way he was. 

Hide made Kaneki strip down to his underclothes, cleaned a little more blood off him, then tucked him into bed. Hide emptied out his sack and stashed the bloody clothes in there to be either cleaned or burned later. Then he crawled into bed beside Kaneki. 

By that point, Kaneki seemed to have somewhat come back to himself. His expression was pinched, eyes downcast. “You shouldn’t have seen me like that,” he rasped. 

Hide hummed. “I think it’s fine, that I did.”

“Fine?” Kaneki’s teeth clenched. “How can it be fine? I’m a - I’m no better than they are.”

“You might think that, but I don’t. You saved me, and killed Rize. Do you have any idea how many innocent people she killed? No matter how many ghouls you kill, you will never be like her. Never. So don’t you dare say you’re no better than she was.”

“I’m still a monster.” 

“No, you’re not.” Hide placed a hand on his chest. “Not to me. Not ever. Okay?”

Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Okay.” Kaneki placed his hand over Hide’s, clutching it desperately. He sniffled, throat bobbing as he swallowed. 

“Try to catch some sleep. You need it.” Hide couldn’t get the image of Kaneki’s impaled abdomen out of his mind. How painful would that have been? To sustain? To fight with? To heal? 

“What if I wake up and you’re gone?” Kaneki whispered.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be.” Hide smiled. “I’ll always be a thorn in your ass. Didn’t you understand that when I followed you the _first_ time?”

Kaneki’s laugh sounded more like a sob. But he shifted and rested more comfortably. His eyes slid shut. After a few minutes, his breathing evened out. 

Hide sighed with relief. Kaneki looked so fragile and scared, it was almost impossible to think of him as he was earlier: covered in blood and tearing ravenously into a corpse.

~<3<3<3~

Hide awoke slowly. The first thing he was aware of were fingers running through his hair. The hand pulled back as soon as Hide shifted, blinking in confusion. Kaneki was hovering beside him, his hand frozen mid-air.

“Sorry,” he murmured.

Hide relaxed back into bed. “You stayed.” Hide was half-expecting Kaneki to be gone again by the time he awoke, despite Kaneki being the one asking _Hide _to stay.

“I didn’t want to leave.” Kaneki looked down at his lap, his fingers with his still bloody nails coming to rest there limply. “I... why are you still here?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Kaneki levelled him with a look. “You know why.”

“That...” Hide couldn’t say it didn’t matter. It did. But... “You’re you. Being a ghoul… it doesn’t make up everything you are. You’re sweet and caring, and I really like you. So that’s that.”

“That’s that.” Kaneki muttered. He sniffled, then shuddered, burying his face in his hands. 

Hide didn’t know what to do other than wrap his arms around Kaneki, pulling him close. Kaneki cried against him, fingers twisting in the fabric of Hide’s shirt. Hide rubbed his back until his sniffles quieted. 

“I do have some questions,” Hide said gently. He didn’t want Kaneki to feel threatened. He wanted him to speak freely.

Kaneki hummed in response.

“How do you... how do you eat?” Hide was a little afraid of the answer, but given what he saw the previous night, he thought he had a pretty good idea. 

“The ghouls I hunt. I... cannibalize them.”

Hide rubbed Kaneki’s back again when his voice got thick. “You’ve done that your whole life?”

“For as long as I’ve been able to.” Kaneki said. “I started when I was thirteen, maybe?”

Hide felt some sadness at that. He imagined a much younger, smaller Kaneki, struggling with who and what he was, then going to fight ghouls who were probably much bigger and stronger than him. “I’m happy you’re alive.”

Kaneki twitched and a pain-filled, hateful look crossed his face, letting Hide know that sometimes, Kaneki wasn’t happy that he was.

“I would be very sad if you weren’t here, Kaneki. Thank you for fighting to stay alive. And thank you for saving others too.” Hide hugged Kaneki tighter, resting his head on top of Kaneki’s. “My hero.”

Kaneki snorted. “I’m no hero.”

Hide hummed very unconvincingly in agreement. “If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would know you are.”

Kaneki wriggled a little, making Hide release him. He looked into Hide’s eyes. Hide net his gaze evenly.

Kaneki sighed in defeat. “If you say so.”

Hide grinned in response. “Good. Because I’m right.”

“Next you’re going to tell me you’re always right.”

“Maybe I am!” Hide pouted when Kaneki shook his head. But Kaneki was smiling a little, so Hide considered it a win. “Can I... can I see your eyes again?” Hide wanted to see all of Kaneki - accept all of him.

Kaneki’s smile faded, but he shut his eyes. When he opened them, they were black and red, the veins around his eyes darkened. Hide traced a finger under his eye curiously. They were kind of hauntingly beautiful when he thought about it. Or maybe, that was just Kaneki.

“And those wiggly tentacle things. What do you call them? Can I see them too?”

“They’re kagune,” Kaneki whispered. He was crying again, tears running down his cheeks. He pulled off the shirt Hide borrowed him and allowed them to release from his back. They made a tearing noise that made Hide wince.

“Oh god. That didn’t hurt, did it?”

Kaneki mutely shook his head.

Hide reached towards one, then aborted the movement. “My hand’s not gonna get cut or something if I touch it, right? Can I touch it?”

“They’re um -“ Kaneki cleared his throat and shifted. “They’re only sharp if I make them that way. It should feel soft, like a muscle.”

Hide eagerly reached forward. The moment he touched one, it started to curl around his arm. His excitement faded a little when he remembered these same kagune bursted through the chest of a ghoul only a few hours earlier. But he pushed the thought aside. Hours earlier, Kaneki used them to protect him. They were a part of him, so Hide would accept them. 

“They’re kind of cool.” Hide touched another and let it curl around his arm as well. “Thank you. For trusting me like this.” 

Kaneki wrapped him up in a hug, arms and kagune coming around him and holding him tight. Hide held on just as fiercely, letting Kaneki’s warmth surround him. 

They would be okay. Hide knew it.

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki caved and taught Hide how to use a quinque - the special weapons made from ghouls kagune. There was a blacksmith, down in a larger city that made them. The process apparently originated overseas. Kaneki kept his sword, but Hide got a twin set of daggers, the ends jagged and almost crystallized. 

Kaneki trained him when he could, emphasizing the fact that he should only use the skills to defend himself. He didn’t want Hide out hunting – not like he did. Kaneki was often out of town hunting down other ghouls. Hide didn’t like that he couldn’t go with him, but he understood. Kaneki was worried for him, and Hide couldn’t defend himself the way that Kaneki could. But still, every time Kaneki left, Hide was worried he would never come back.

“You’re distracted.” Kaneki knocked him on his ass. “What’s wrong?”

Hide stayed down. He sighed heavily, staring up at the sky. The sun was setting. It would be night soon. Kaneki would be staying for what? Three more days before he left for a couple weeks again?

He was lonely. When Kaneki was around, basically all they did was train, sleep and eat – well, Hide ate. Kaneki tried cooking sometimes, which was really sweet and adorable, and Hide loved everything he made even if it tasted less than spectacular. 

Hide pouted at Kaneki. Don’t get him wrong, he appreciated everything Kaneki taught him. He trained tirelessly when Kaneki was gone as well, or when Hide wasn’t hunting or tracking with Amon. But he wanted to do something else. “Let me take you on a date,” he blurted. 

“A date.” Kaneki looked at him like he didn’t understand what he was saying. 

“Yes, a date.” Hide raised his eyebrows. “You, me. Maybe some nice flowers. Something romantic.” 

“Oh.” Kaneki sheathed his weapon. He held out a hand, helping Hide to his feet. “I-Is that what’s been distracting you?” He was turning red all the way to his ears. “Um, sorry?” 

Hide’s heart sank. “So that’s a no then?”

“No!” Kaneki waved his hands a little frantically. “I mean yes! I mean – let’s do it. The date thing.” Apparently giving up on words, Kaneki shut his mouth firmly, his eyes a little wide. 

“When do you want to go?” Hide stepped into his space, much closer than they had been for a while, save for their usual hug when they first greeted each other. 

“Now?” Kaneki was uncertain, but he eased when Hide smiled gently. 

“Now sounds good.” Hide tugged on his hand. “Come with me. I have something for you first.”

A hesitant smile spread across his face. Hide led him back to the inn, where Hide was set up with his room. On his bed sat a medium sized silk pouch. The top was closed with a drawstring. Hide picked it up and handed it to Kaneki.

Kaneki stared at it for a moment, eyes wide, then he slowly opened it. Hide did his best to not nervously rock back and forth on his feet. “It’s been getting cold lately, so I thought it would be nice to have something a little warmer. I was told once they’re worn in a bit, they’re really comfortable and don’t affect how a tool or weapon is handled.”

Kaneki ran his hand over the dark brown leather smiling to himself. He pulled on the gloves, flexing his fingers a few times. They looked like they fit perfectly, just like Hide hoped.

“Thank you.” Kaneki’s voice was thick with emotion. He cleared his throat, raising a hand to trace Hide’s cheek. 

Hide swallowed thickly, a little embarrassed by how nice the smooth leather felt against his skin. “F-flowers!” Hide choked, backing up a good couple of feet. 

Kaneki’s eyebrows raised, making him look adorably confused, which really wasn’t good for Hide’s heart.

“I need to get you flowers.” 

“You don’t have to –“

“Flowers!” 

To Hide’s horror, when they got to the market, most of the flowers were dead. The frost the previous week killed them, leaving only half-dead and wilted ones. 

The only thing that didn’t look dead was this weird grass, which okay, not the best - but maybe Kaneki would like it. 

Kaneki’s face split into a grin when he saw what Hide proudly presented him with. He picked it up and examined it closely. “You know this is a crop, right? I think rice is made from this.”

Hide flushed even brighter than he was before. He was going to die from embarrassment. “I’m a hunter, not a farmer.”

“I know, I know.” Kaneki placated. “Well, I can’t eat it, so I guess I’ll just have to treasure it.” He tucked it away, offering Hide his hand. “Where to next?”

Hide had a spot in his head. They couldn’t have a picnic, but they could lay together and watch the clouds. Hide found the meadow when he was coming back from a hunting trip. It was just outside the town, hidden by a line of trees. Hide didn’t know if anyone else knew about it, but he liked to think of it as his own secret place. Now, it could be theirs. 

It was surrounded by trees. With the fall, the leaves changed and fell to the ground, creating a bed of colour. Hide thought it was gorgeous. 

Kaneki took a seat, grabbing a leaf off the ground and twirling the stem between his fingers. “It is romantic. This would be a nice place to read,” he said longingly. 

Hide made a note to get himself a bookshelf and Kaneki a book for his next gift. He would make his home Kaneki’s home. It could be somewhere he could return to after his travels. It could be a safe space where he didn’t have to worry about being himself. 

Hide wanted him to be happy.

“What’s wrong?” Kaneki shifted under Hide’s stare, cheeks reddening. 

Hide smiled. “It’s nothing.” Hide sat beside him. He was close enough that when he turned his head, his could brush his lips against Kaneki’s cheek. “Just thinking.”

There was something there. It was some type of aching in Hide’s chest, a fire in his belly, a light-headedness, and a tingling in his fingers and toes. He could love Kaneki. It was hard to tell if he didn’t already - but he knew - he knew he could love him. That he would love him. He was standing on the edge of a precipice and all there was left to do was fall. 

Hide wanted to jump headfirst.

Hide laid down, the leaves crunching under his back. He stared up at the clouds, wondering what the rest of his life would be like if Kaneki chose to stay in it. Would he be as happy to have Hide in his life as Hide was to have him in his?

There was a tug on a lock of Hide’s hair, bringing him back to reality. Kaneki was leaning over him, pulling a leaf free that got caught in his tangled curls. 

He let the leaf fall and cupped Hide’s cheek. His thumb traced a line across his cheek. He hesitated, seeming like he was ready to pull away. Hide pushed himself up on his elbows, stopping an inch from Kaneki’s lips. He waited, watching Kaneki’s expression. He looked pained for a moment, but eventually he relaxed and his eyes fluttered shut.

His lips were soft, and chapped where he had a habit of chewing on them. Hide let him take the lead, but was still receptive. When Kaneki nipped lightly at his lip, he didn’t try to stifle his responding moan, as embarrassing as it was. Kaneki kissed him harder, pushing Hide onto his back once more, using one hand to cushion his head. His other settled on Hide’s waist, holding him firmly. Hide had his arms wrapped around Kaneki’s shoulders, pulling him closer and closer, until he was practically laying on him. 

Unfortunately, Hide had to break away to catch his breath. Kaneki was breathing heavily too. After a moment, he pushed himself up on his elbows. 

“That was... nice.” Hide murmured. “That was nice.”

Kaneki huffed a laugh, the hand under Hide’s head moving to play with his hair. “It was.” His expression sobered suddenly, and he pushed himself up further. “I...”

“Kaneki.” Hide started gently, but Kaneki shook his head.

“I’m... beyond what I am... I’m away a lot of the time, and I’m not always sure I’ll be able to make it back. Are you sure? You want to be with someone like me?”

“I’m sure.” Hide took the plunge. “I’ll take whatever you have to offer me.” He curled his arms around Kaneki’s waist. “I have a lot to give too, if you would let me.”

“Hide.” His name sounded like honey on Kaneki’s lips. A tear hit his cheek, then another. Lips pressed against his again, soft and brief. “I’ll give you my all.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this mostly on my phone, which likes to autocorrect past-tense words to present-tense words *screams in frustration*. I think I managed to edit most of it away once it got transferred to my computer, but I mostly did that while drinking some wine, so I'm sure I missed some. 
> 
> Anyway, the second half of this story will be uploaded tomorrow. I hope you enjoy!


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